I am giving up. Throwing in the towel. The writing is, and has been, on the wall for a while now. Rees’ story has been told and, in the end, people really don’t care about kindness. Our movement is yesterday’s news and its time has come. In reality, no real change ever actually happens. How was I so stupid to think Rees’ story could make a difference? The children in the schools I speak to forget about my message the minute they leave the room. I could have done so much more. Our scholarships don’t help enough people. Spreading kindness isn’t a real thing. It’s not worth it. What’s the point? People would rather read about the Kardashians rather than kindness. I’m doing this because I can’t let go of my dead son – and it’s time to let go…
I imagine that a great many people won’t read past that first paragraph. For many, I think that first paragraph would be the confirmation to something they may have thought all along: Good things never last… Yep, the world always finds a way to crush a good thing. That introduction would have confirmed their belief and they would move on. If you are here still reading this I applaud you. You are not willing to give up on the world – and neither am I. So what is with all the negativity I wrote about above?
The answer is simple: Those are the thoughts that go through my head all the time. Those are my fears, laid bare, that I wrestle with every single day of my life. The scary part is that those are just my fears in relation to our movement. I would need a lot more than a paragraph to write about all my other fears – and I suspect that you would find yourself in the same boat. Fear is a constant in our lives. Fear is natural and it can be a very powerful motivator, if not the most powerful motivator.
Fear’s motivational power has been used throughout the ages as a means of subversion and control. Our media is rife with countless examples of politicians, entertainers, and leaders using fear as a means by which to play on our emotions and elicit a response. The reason fear works so well is because it is rooted in our biological imperative to survive. Every human being has learned about the dangers of the world through experience. Fear serves as a way to remind us, and be wary, of the things that can threaten our survival. It’s only natural that we fear…
The thing about fear is that it is not real. It is made up in our minds to serve as a reminder, and nothing more. President Roosevelt was absolutely correct in his assertion that “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”. The President was reminding us that fear is only as real as we make it – and only as important as to the station we elevate it to. In a sense, he was telling us all that we really have the choice between fear’s yin and hope’s yang.
Hope, on the other hand is fear’s inverted twin. I truly believe that a line exists, somewhere in the primal part of our brain, that divides where fear and hope stake a claim to our souls. I imagine the fear side looks like a series of highway advertisements all crowded into a tiny landscape. The signs are brightly colored and flashy in order to catch your eye. They hold nothing back in their graphic depiction of every threat that faces you. The hope side is its complete contrast: Full of large, lush meadows and beautiful vistas – inviting and serene. The landscape is the epitome of Eden in its vastness and majesty.
One couldn’t be more different than the other, and at a glance it would seem the choice between the two is an easy one. Who in their right mind would choose fear’s frivolity and vacuousness over hope’s beauty and majesty? It turns out a lot of people. In fact, all of us do at one time or another. The problem with the division between hope and fear is that the road we travel between them has exits all over, but almost all of them lead to fear. The exit for hope is often obscured, or even worse, is only accessible if you travel through fear’s exits first. It’s not that we are choosing to get off at fear, it’s that it is often the first exit we see…
I will be completely honest; there are several times over the past three years where I came perilously close to getting off, and staying at, fear’s exit. One of those moments happened to me recently. Due to a scheduling conflict that I was not informed of I had to do a kindness presentation for a mixed group of students in the 1st and 4th grades. I have several versions of the presentation that I do which are geared for different age groups. My k-2 program uses the book I wrote and its message of kindness as the backdrop to telling our kindness story. I never actually tell those students that Rees was a real boy. They just see him as a superhero of kindness that wants to go out and spread the seeds of kindness. For grades 3-5 I do share some of our family’s story and a little about our movement. It’s a little heavier, but I do not actually reference Rees’ passing (I just refer to it as a bad accident). As an educator, I know what is appropriate for what grade levels and that is precisely why I made the separate programs.
When I was told I had to do a presentation to 1st and 4th graders that day, I found myself in a bind. I knew I could not do the 3-5 presentation, but I thought the k-2 presentation was too far below the 4th graders. Instead, I chose to try and hybridize the two together, and the result was not good. In the aftermath of that one performance, I did get some criticism that hurt. What hurt more is that it wasn’t the show I do and even though I put forth my best effort to compromise, it just didn’t work. It was in the wake of that criticism that those signs were calling to me and I was tempted to just take fear’s exit…
I actually received eight reviews on that one performance. Six of them were fantastic (rated excellent) – and 2 were not ( rated fair and “good”). I fell for the lure of fear. I only chose to look at those 2 negative reviews and focused on them. I started to question everything I was doing. Once I started doing that, the other questions I had started popping up. I questioned the financial burden I am placing on my family by taking an almost 50% pay cut from my teaching salary to spread this message. I started “rationalizing” that the reason I could not find a publisher for my children’s book was because it just wasn’t good enough. In fact, every thought I listed in that first paragraph came to the fore. Every single one of those thoughts made the bright lights and enticing lure of those exit signs to fear seem so much more alluring. I was ready to give it all up and accept defeat.
I kept driving. I know that hope is on the horizon, and I realize I need to stay the path, no matter how difficult the road ahead appears. Giving into fear is the easy way off the path. If I didn’t take that exit when I lost my little boy, I certainly can’t take it now. I realize that this movement will always mean more to Samantha and I than to anyone else – and even if we are the last two people to care about what we are doing then it is worth it. I need to realize that if even one child in that presentation was touched by our message that day, then the presentation was a success. I have to focus on the fact that change does not occur instantaneously… Change happens slowly, a piece at a time.
I am not giving up! I will never give up. I’ll use that towel to wipe away the sweat that forms as I push my way along my journey. I will decide what gets written on that wall, and it will never be “I QUIT!”. Our movement was in the news yesterday and it’s time will come. In reality, change happens so slowly that sometimes we can’t perceive it – but that doesn’t mean Rees’ story isn’t making a difference. If only one child has been positively affected by our message of kindness then we have succeeded. I can do much more, and I WILL. Our scholarships have helped 11 students so far who would otherwise not have been able to pay college expenses. Spreading kindness is not only a real thing, it’s the most important thing there is. Fads, like our infatuation with celebrities, come and go but Rees’ legacy will live on in every kind act performed in his name. I’m doing this because I will never let go of the love for my only son, and I will never let him go. He will be with me forever – and that love continues to grow, one Rees’ piece at a time.
p.s. A very special thank you to my mentor, friend and fellow wounded healer Bobby Petrocelli. Thank you for reminding me that we all matter, and that I need to keep doing the job I am meant to do. Your kindness made (and continues to make) a difference for me.
42 Responses
As someone that just watched the clip on the Today Show, I immediately came to your site to get some cards (I used to make my own but these are even better because they are in honor of such an amazing little boy!)– I must say that reading that first paragraph of your website as the first thing I saw made my heart drop and I thought, “why did they post this right before the big t.v. spot?!?” Fortunately I continued to read and realized what you were doing but I wouldn’t be surprised if others miss the greater point as well — you only see the first paragraph before you click “read more” and to all those people coming to your site for the first time – that’s the first introduction they get. You are absolutely entitled to post anything you want and I totally understand it – I just would hate to see you miss opportunities that will likely come to your cause as a result of the promo today simply because others won’t take the time to get past that first paragraph to realize you were making a point. IS it right? No… but it’s reality. You may consider writing another updated blog to appear first on the site – just in case. Just my two cents. I think everything you are doing is wonderful and I wish you all the best in the future. I am ordering my cards now and will pass them out generously – I absolutely LOVE to doing random acts of kindness so thank you for giving me another important cause to support while doing so. I think it’s absolutely amazing. Congrats for taking such a devastating and what would be an unimaginable situation for most parents and turning that grief into something so positive and meaningful. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors… I know you won’t ever give up – Rees is there pushing you forward every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you for continued peace and comfort.
I did the exact same thing
I retired in 2011 and my goal was to do volunteer work
I have done some but this really touched my heart
I am in NC so the word has come at least to NC and I hope to spread it all over
Thanks for doing this in the memory of your precious little boy
My autistic son and I have been struggling to figure out a way to implement a “random acts of kindness” program into our high school. He struggles almost daily with unkind people. His English teacher really has been a blessing to my Michael, and this year encouraged him to come up with a kindness program. This is so needed in all of our schools nationwide. I just watched your story on NBC and am wondering if we can not only share your program in the elementary schools here, but somehow, into the high school, and keep it going. What you are doing in the memory of your precious little boy is tremendous. I will keep you in my prayers that the Lord fills you with peace and strength everyday to keep this going. I will certainly do my part!
I also just watched the clip on the Today Show and immediately came to the website. I’m sure there are many, many more that are doing the same thing. When I read the first paragraph of this post I was so saddened that you and your wife had ended the program. I read on and I hope that others do as well so that no opportunity is missed to share your amazing program with as many as possible. Your work to create this program in the wake of the loss of your little boy is beyond amazing. My little boy is almost 3 years old and I’ll share this with him.
You are a brave soul, strong and wise enough to recognize the liar that Satan is. I never thought you would quit. Godspeed my friend, Godspeed.
My heart about stopped when I read the first paragraph. You have inspired and continue to inspire everyone who has been blessed enough to absorb your words and support you from afar with warm, healing thoughts and prayers. Your message of kindness resonates within each of us. I pray for continued strength for You, Sammantha and the rest of your family. Your commitment and bravery continues to inspire and bring hope, this and every day. In HIS light, we shine.
I have been following your movement from the beginning. As I began reading, I thought there is no way you would give up. Your message of kindness meant too much and it must be shared with the world, one piece at a time. Fear is a real emotion that can destroy our hopes, dreams,and, ultimately, our lives. I’m so grateful that I read your article tonight because I too sometimes want to throw in the towel and give up because of this nonsense in my head that’s not even a fact or the truth about what the future holds. It’s just a four letter word:FEAR, which means False evidence appearing real. So thank you, Mr. Specht, for continuing to carry on your son”s legacy, and continue to spread kindness one piece at a time. May God Bless you, YOUR Family AND ALL Who YOU share this message of God’s love with random acts of kindness. Sincerely, Maggie Kelly-Hart. (Proud sister of a kind, sincere man, Bill Kelly)8
Ya got me a bit. Not for long…the old ‘bait and switch” works still. In my life I’ve seen astounding kindness and appalling indifference and apathy. The old ‘man’s inhumanity to man” will probably always exist, and that’s the reason why we can’t quit. I’m with you, quietly hoping to inspire kindness in those who serve God’s precious ones. We’re winning, Rich…we’re winning.
You’re first paragraph frightened and disappointed me. So glad that I continued to read the rest. Please keep going on your path. You and your family are making a big positive effect on our world.
Whew. For a second there, I thought we lost you. Keep doing amazing things. Your message is worth hearing! ❤️
I’m glad you are not really quitting because your family’s message is important and you are all doing incredible things. I’ll admit you had me going there for a minute and I thought I might just get to meet you little cousin because I thought I might have to go to NY and slap some sense back into you. I’d still like to meet you guys someday but I’ll settle for hugs instead.
Beautiful
What a beautiful and heartfelt piece. In it, you said, “If only one child has been positively affected by our message of kindness then we have succeeded.” In that case, you succeeded long, long ago; and at this point every additional victory is just more icing on the sweet cake of kindness. Every single act of kindness, no matter how small, has ramifications far beyond what any of us can imagine; and you, this group, and the power of your son’s spirit have been the genesis of thousands and thousands of these acts already.
“What is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”
I am a school nurse and I do not know how I stumbled on your website. I want you to know how thankful that I did. Your words inspire me and encourage me to pay forward each and every day.
In the past three years our elementary school has had 4 students pass away to cancer. The suffering of these families in unbearable to watch. Reading your words has helped me to understand that there is noting I can say to make their heartache less painful. You have taught me that the simple act of sending a meal is appreciated.
Thank you for not giving up. I can understand that as an educator you feel that your students might not appreciate the message you are sending, but I assure you…they do. You are leaving your imprint on them for a lifetime.
Blessing to you and your family. Sincerely, Beth Weishaupt RN
When I read that 1st paragraph I started to tear up and saying Why? No! Don’t give up. Then finished reading the whole post. So glad to see you are still going
Rich- you and Samantha are beacons of light in what is sometimes a dark world. You are making a HUGE difference in the world. I am in awe of your courage and persistence. Reading and sharing your posts give me my daily dose of warm fuzzies and by the number of “likes” those posts receive, you are having the same effect on so many others. Huge hugs to you and your beautiful family!
This brought tears to my eyes. It’s not the first time your words, and the tragedy your family has gone through, have touched me so deeply. I’ve been following your actions since that awful moment and have been inspired and moved by the wonderful things you are doing to change the world, one step and one piece at a time. Your legacy is bringing Reese’s legacy to life for every child and adult fortunate enough to hear or read your words.
This piece today is something that carries your impact even further. You’ve always eloquently delineated the processes you’ve been going through. Each piece you’ve written has been so important. Today you touched on something tangential yet so vital – the trappings of fear. Thank you for your openness, your wisdom, your courage and encouragement. I needed these words today. Bless you and your family. The world is a better place because of you and Sam.
You can’t have HOPE without FAITH. Keep the faith brother and continue your path of kindness. Rees is proud of all your hard work because it keeps his memory alive in all the people his story has touched.
@Max – You know it more than most… Same goes to you brother. Keep the faith. – (I mean why else would we root for our teams?) – do you hear that? The pop of the glove… the crack of the bat. Oh yeah. <3
Sweet Jesus!! You scared the crap out of me with that first paragraph!I started crying!! Thank God you aren’t giving up!! You are making a difference in the world!
@Barbara I knew some people would freak out, but that was honestly the intention. Sorry to scare you <3
You’re a good man!
I read it ALL and no, brother, you are not giving up!!! For your work is far too important to stop. But I do relate to what you say as there are times when I feel like turning off the lights on Lighthouse. But we both know quitting is NOT an option …. so we fall down 7 and get up 8!! You are inspirational and I love what you are doing ….. Noel.
I love it, I knew you and Samantha wouldn’t give it. You’re both way too strong and courageous. You are making a difference every single day and I know you will never stop. Xoxo
@Alli – Never! My GPS won’t allow me to take that exit.
This is a truly amazing post and I applaud your courage and ‘kindness’ in sharing it. It was exactly what I needed to hear today.
Did you read the article?
I am glad it made difference for you. That made it worth it for me to share. Thank you for your kind words.
I’m so sorry on how you are feeling. I do understand why you are throwing in the towel. It does seem that things just never change. I have done a lot of different things with different organizations and with all the hoping, things just didn’t change.
I’m sorry that it’s done for you but I have to say “Thank you for sharing Rees story”.
Did you read the whole thing? I am not throwing in the towel at all.
Read the article. Smh