Since the day Rees died I have been carrying a great weight on my shoulders that I hoped to one day jettison for good.  Today was the day I thought would mark that moment where I could discard this weight and move on to doing the things I want to do without having to overcome the inertia of the added mass to my life (sorry – I am a science teacher, can’t help but make a science reference!).  To say that my family and I are disappointed is an understatement – but do not mistake disappointment for despair.  While I had hoped to have this weight lifted off of my shoulders, I knew there remained a possibility that this weight would remain forever – a much less desirable outcome for sure.  Today I found out that I must carry this weight for two more months.  So be it.  I have carried it this far, I can go further.

It wasn’t until I sat down to write tonight’s blog entry that I realized that there was another weight I have been carrying on my shoulders since that same day.  This weight has gone mostly unnoticed and I have only felt it in brief moments, here and there.  The weight I am referring to is the angel that I carry around on my shoulders every moment of every day.  You see, since Rees has his wings, he does not weigh me down… rather he lifts me up.  It is Rees’ spirit that has gotten me this far, allowing me to overcome this other weight in my life.  I felt him last night, he was with me when I mentally went through the motions of what I would have to do today.  I felt his wings lifting me up, and I “heard” him tell me that he was going to carry me through all of this – just like I used to carry him up to our ceiling to play “spider-baby”.  I now know that I can take the weight of the world on my shoulders, not because of my strength to buttress it but because of his power to lift me up…






6 Responses

  1. I am so glad you feel his presence it’s those little thoughts, or memory that keep us connected to our love ones. I think it is especially true when that Angel is a child. God bless you and your family.

  2. Your Angel will always lift you up as all your family will be there for you. You are a wonderful person your family and true friends are with you all the way!!! Love You !

  3. Very well articulated, as with all your blogs. I pray you find that peace. You and your family have done tremendous things already in helping others..some you’ll meet but some never, but the impact is still there- good deeds paid forward because 2 parents found the strength to transform grief into something beautiful. That good karma will come full circle. God bless!

  4. This was very beautifully said and I pray to have that level of elloquience. You will get through this and any other hurdle puT in front of because of Reese’s power he gives to you. My best to you and your family always.

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